I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
