I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
