stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize