Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
