ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
