Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
