anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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