i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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