Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
