If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
