You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
