I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
