she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So. Much. Porn.
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