she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
