There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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