Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
