Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
