There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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