Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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