Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
