That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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