I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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