I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
