I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
