it was like eating out sand paper
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm always down for nudity.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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