you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Randomize
