its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
