You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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