your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
