im about as happy as oj after his trial
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
