There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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