Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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