If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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