i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
