the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
