I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
