I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Randomize
