just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
