we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My feet surprised me
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