STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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