update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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