I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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