i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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