Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
