If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
