i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
