Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
