duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
