I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I will be naked everywhere
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
