Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
