funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
