Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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