Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
pop tarts are not kleenex
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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