Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just had sex on a roof
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
