possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
